A guys guide for gift giving and card signing for Valentines Day/ holidays.

This guide is for everyone, whether in a new relationship or an established one.

1.  Just met, you like her but it’s very new.

The gift:

Get something you know she likes from a shop you know she goes to.  You are not expected at this phase to buy “the perfect” gift, just one that shows you have at least been paying a little attention.   Also if you get it wrong she can return it and get something she likes better at her favorite shop.  You must get a card, something cute and funny will do.

The message:

A simple “Wishing you a happy fill in the holiday.”

Signing the card:

I am (so) _______ (glad) we met, Bob

Looking forward to getting to know you better, Bob

Hugs and kisses, Bob

2.  New relationship 3-6 months, you are exclusive (you really like her)

The gift:

This gift should show some thought, because it is probably the first fill in the holiday you are spending together.  Again, pay attention to things she sees or mentions while you are shopping or ask one of her friends if you have access to them.  It may be an accessory item, a handbag, scarf or silver jewelry with a stone or charm she likes or has special meaning to her. She will really think it sweet if you remember something she mentioned or saw while you were together. If all else fails these are the gifts that most women would like this season:

- Princess perfume by Vera Wang, classy and you will like it too. – Pretty necklaces and bracelets  with semi-precious stones are totally in style and ones with a message that is personal to you/her is thoughtful. Sold in many mall shops.

- A spa/massage treatment is always a great gift, thoughtful and shows you care how hard she works. Popular spa’s are Bliss Spa, Sephora, Ulta offer spa treatments.    Look up local spa’s they usually run specials for Valentine’s Day.

- Victoria’s Secret is a favorite but you can get more creative than that, right guys?

The message:
- Write at least a paragraph about how you feel about her, how she makes you feel or whatever you are feeling at the time.
- This is the time to be vulnerable but if you are not ready to say “Love” you don’t have to.

Signing the card:

You mean so much to me, Bob

So glad to be spending this fill in the holiday with you, Bob

Looking forward to more happy times with you, Bob

You are in my heart today and everyday, Bob

3.  6-12 months, you are either in love, falling in love or already declared your love.

The gift:
- A weekend getaway is ideal. Bed and Breakfasts, Hotels and Ski Resorts have last-minute deals, but there is nothing like pre-planning.
- Pamper her with a romantic dinner and run a tub or hot tub if you can arrange it. Bring flowers and candy too, it decorates the room and makes it special. - Maybe a CD of music for a romantic evening. This is the perfect time to seal the deal guys; it’s fill in the holiday and BECAUSE it is corny and cheesy tell her you love her. Secretly we love cheesy and sappy during the holidays if we are in love.

- Jewelry is a safe bet here.

- Also you can bridge the “I am falling in love with you,” if you have not reached it just yet, (or if you are a wimp because nobody “thinks” they feel love for someone, this is one you KNOW.) but whatever, go at your own pace.

The message:
Spill it. You love this woman and you want to keep her indefinitely. A full paragraph with your heart racing with nervousness is what I am talking about. Trust me, the pay off will be worth it. If this is where you are with a woman showing it during the holidays is the only way to go. Even if she says she doesn’t care, DO NOT LISTEN. Just say it, most of us are not Shakespeare, women know, they don’t care how you say it, just that you do, and in this case write it too.

Signing the card:

All my love, Bob

Love you, Bob (playful)

I love you with all my heart, Bob (serious)

Oh I forgot, I wanted to tell you that I love you, Bob

I love you and want you to be my wife, Bob (Just in case)

Whatever you do this fill in the holiday with your new babe or your fiancé, have fun, laugh as much as you can, and let love in.  Try not to let the stress that always seems to accompany the big days get in the way of your enjoyment.  Remember, many fights around this time are due to circumstances beyond your control: i.e. planning, travelling, and just the anticipation that the holidays will work out perfect.  This is not the case and is quite rare, so be prepared for some hairy moments and always try to keep a sense of humor.

Please feel free to ask questions if there is something I missed and/or you have a unique situation that does not fit into these three headings.  I will be glad to help you get this fill in the holiday right.

Check out another take on  gift giving during our troubled economic times here.  A lot of great info to be found there.

Copyright ©2008 Veronica Romm

Our Teens are Running Wild

The problem is not new, nor should it be fodder for gossip. Today’s teens are simply running wild.  They are greater risk takers, more sexually active and overly informed than any teenage population that came before.  From MTV pimping over the top Sweet Sixteen celebrations, as voyeuristic glances into the tiny percentage of the population that can afford to have Usher at their parties. To “reality dating” shows modeling behaviors that are breeding  at risk teens and young adults, by promoting excessive drinking and providing hot tubs as an option for each date.  The media and the freely accessibile internet access colludes with the corruption of our teenage children.  Yet, it is as if we forget that the main responisibility for what our teens do falls squarely on parents for no other influence is as great and as influential as that of family.Web 2.0 and “social networking” are a  much more effective means of communication utilized feverishly by adolescents.  Advancements such as video chats, give adolescent the more private forum to “explore” with various behaviors and cultures, alternate lifestyles and some really out there “freakish” things we as adults can’t even grasp.  There are now translators for the slang used by kids to “text message” one another.  Yes the illiterate language devised to further stunt any thinking that might be needed to right in full sentences. Do we want our kids paralyzed by gadgets?  Do we want our kids informed by those that have the freedom to express absolutely any view they wish and with pictures and video to make it more entertaining, such as the site The Church of Euthanasia. As a teacher and writer I use the internet to a almost embarassing degree for both information gathering and inspiration for my writing efforts.  I Googled euthanasia for a student who was assigned the topic as a final paper in her English class.  This essay was to be a persuasive argument for or against the controversial practice.  About five to seven links down the results of the search was the link to the church that I mentioned.  Clicking on the site I gasped and shook with anxiety as I finally understood what we (parents, teachers, kids) were up against. The site promotes among other things, death in all forms, sodomy an suicide.  So there I was doing what my students were by researching the topic, and there it was, like any other site.  Organized (not well) just enough to have their information viewed and their “Four Pillars” defined.  I will not share the ideas espoused by this website, but you should take a look sometime and see what your kids read for their school projects. 

Then there is the inevitable Hollywood influence.  Our kids love music and movies just like we did.  Yet they are getting to hear about and watch the pop idols they worship live the most reckless and dangerous of lives.  Pregnant Disney TV show stars, the network is probably scrambling to find a way to separate themselves from the shamed star of their show “Zoey 101″ as we learn that young Jamie Lynn Spears may have been having an “affair” with an older executive.  Wholesome teenage fun for the whole family, right?   The media is stoning Lynne Spears, and yes her daughters are particularly frightening, but is she to blame?   

 

 

 

The Megan Meier’s story is particularly disturbing and has all the elements that are facilitating an adolescent epidemic of risk taking and poor judgment.  To quickly sum up the Megan Meier’s story is difficult for there are many layers.  It involves female friendships, parenting skills, MySpace, boys and very irresponsible adults.  Megan apparently had a falling out with her close friend and neighbor and this neighbors Mom Lori Drew was concerned that Megan was going to say indecent things about her daughter.  She quickly created a MySpace profile of a young handsome boy she named Josh Evans from a neighboring town, and started communicating with Megan in a flirtatious way.  Megan had been dealing with self esteem issues along with every other adolescent, and found the attention of the young man exciting.  He was cute and sweet and could really understand her.  He told her she was pretty and wanted to be her boyfriend.  She had no reason to think anything else was happening. Three weeks into the internet relationship, he turned on Megan and said she was not the kind of person he wanted to associate with due to things he heard from kids at her school.  She responded with shock, tears and hanging herself with a belt as her parents got ready for dinner downstairs.  It was quickly disclosed that the boy with whom Megan had bonded was really a collaborative effort of a family, initiated by the matriarch Mrs. Drew, and maintained by all.  They explained that they started the profile on MySpace to protect their daughter from slanderous talk (never did Megan say a bad thing about her neighbor or anyone else).  Since the rest of the neighborhood found out about the families twisted game, the Drews has complained of harassment on several occasions.  To date there will be no charges found against the MySpace family hoax or any of the participants. A tragedy like this is unthinkable yet it is subtle, societal and scary. 

If the teenagers seem frightening as they shoot up shopping malls during the holidays, is it possible to assume that the parents must have something to do with it?  As the story of Megan illustrates the power of the internet on our young ones, it also shows parents as they set the example for their children.  Taunting a young person for fun, causing pain and perpetuating deceit are lessons these parents clearly imparted to their own children.  What do we do as members of society to protect our kids from such insidiousness? 

There are several basic parenting principles that can have a positive impact on children.  Use them, and perhaps we can gain back control just enough to produce citizens who we could be proud of.  These basics are not “new age” and they are certainly not difficult to grasp, but do we care to save our kids?  Perhaps we should try. 

Boundaries are a necessity for kids.  They want and need them and parents have to provide them.  Without understanding their own boundaries and those of others, kids have no way to gauge their attitudes and behaviors.  It is not as simple as saying something is good or bad, right or wrong, but why and in what scenario?  Guiding adolescents by defining boundaries allows them to process social behavior and respond to it.  Lynne Spears allowed her young daughter, underage and naïve to not only have an older boyfriend but to basically co-habitate with him.  Some may say, “at least I know they are safe, they are home after all.”  Yet the child was fourteen if the story is at all accurate, when she began dating this young man.  If at fourteen this type of behavior is accepted then it stands to reason that two years into a relationship a pregancy wouldn’t be such a shock after all.  There also appears no discussion about whether these young people had protection or used it, or what type and who provided it?  Why is that not an important enough facet of the story to focus on?  It could only help send the message that there are no guarantees and always that chance that even with protection, there are risks.  Boundaries again play a part in this particular case because not only did Lynne not provide any, but there was also an older sister, incredibly troubled and ridiculously famous,  shirking all decency in front of the entire world.  Losing her children, behaving in a way that could only be seen as psychologically volatile, and big sister Britney Spears never knew a boundary she didn’t obscenely cross.   

Teenagers need to learn through actions about consequences. They must know that an action may have a positive or negative reaction and this fact should come as no surprise by the time a kid is in their teens.  There is plenty of argument about punishment, and I am not sure where I stand on this globally.  Yet parents must define consequences for their children with consistency. 

This brings me to the adolescent’s desperate need for consistency from their parents.  They need to understand clearly what their actions will lead to every time.  It seems as though parents are afraid to provide consistent consequences because they “feel bad” or it seems they fear their kid’s reactions.  If parents allow kids to turn the tables and assume the position of authority, how can they be blamed for their inevitable transgressions?  There are parents and there are children. Parents can not be mistaken for “friends”; they must never stop parenting in a consistent and committed fashion.

This brings us to commitment to our children and to parenting.  This commitment I describe is a life long, full time job parent’s take on when they bring a child into this world.  They must commit to setting boundaries, parenting with consistency and establishing consequences.  They must enforce this on a daily basis without fail.  Does this sound like a Herculean task?  Perhaps it is at times and I by no means wish to imply that parenting in this era is easy or terrain that is well traveled.  Yet the alternative, as we have so clearly been shown again and again in the tabloids, and stories of tragic lost kids doing unthinkable things almost daily by the media, can’t possibly be ignored.  There has to be a better way to guide our youth, than by the examples I have shared.  Without a doubt the answer is parents, parenting, and society’s willingness to see some changes in the way adolescents are perceived and accept them so as to help them. 

There is hope for both the parents and our youth.  I ask you then; will you make the commitment before that hope is extinguished?  I think our kids are worth it. It is up to all of us to convince them of their worth, through guidance, patience and setting a reasonable example. 

Sources sited:

1. www.ok-magazine.com  Jamie Lynn Spears Says She’s Pregnant

Dec 18, 2007

1. www.nytimes.com/2007/12/16/fashion/16meangirls.html When the Bullies Turned Faceless by Christopher Maag.  December 16, 2007
2. www.churchofeuthanasia.org

  Copyright ©2007 Veronica Romm

Electing the American President

Repost from 2008 election. How things change and how they stay the same:

Today November 4, 2008 we are all a part of the most important event in political history.  Barack Obama, the Democratic candidate might possibly become the first black president of the United States.  Watching the two years of endless campaigning has been daunting, annoying, and often shocking.   Republican nominee John McCain, a Vietnam veteran and POW opposes the historical Democratic nominee.

Barack Obama

John McCain

While I am writing I am seeing voter turn out in the tri-state area at an all time high rate with lines outside the door in some locations.

The candidates

Whatever your thoughts are on the campaign, the candidates or issues one thing can not be denied and that is the importance of this unprecedented election.

What has been a campaign fraught with many unpleasant, ignorant and even funny moments, now comes down to voting.  Nothing would surprise me today or tonight.  I just hope that tomorrow morning there is a new president elect.  May the best man win.

Some Nights

It’s rare these days that I post much on here. I want to get back into the habit of writing again perhaps n a brand new shiny blog or maybe just continue on here. Either way I wanted to share this song with those that perhaps have not yet heard it. I love percussion and this song really has an incredible beat. A rally cry of sorts. I would like to know what you think of it. Without further ado… Some Nights by Fun.

A Chemical Response

A look, a touch

Come close, lean in

Inhale the scent.

Are your knees shaking?

Short of breath?

That is chemistry

Plain and simple.

Copyright ©2010 Veronica Romm

I got your back.

 

I got your back.

You’ve got mine.

Don’t listen to the haters,

We’re doing just fine.

Voices, looks

And exaggeration.

What they say means nothing,

Just causes needless aggravation.

Believe in you and me.

Now is what we have,

No one can tell us

What it ought to be.

Our only concern

Should be loving each other.

Enjoying the gift

Of the love of another.

Copyright ©2008 Veronica Romm

Ode to Edie: Andy’s Superstar

One from the Archives

Mayflower girl surrounded by sins.
East coast blue blood coursing through her veins.
Santa Barbara born, raised in the bins,
Escaped to New York to ease her pains.

 

Poor little rich girl, embraced by the crowd.
She’s danced like a goddess
And the maker was proud.

Watching as she groped for love and affection.
Welcoming her with his arms open wide. She couldn’t
Much help it when “It” garnered attention.

He liked all the money and elite cache.
Edie and Andy sounded right, kindred spirits,
With each other to play.

Yet times were quickly changing,
As she was led into the dark.
She looked in the mirror; scarred and ravaged
How did she lose that brilliant spark?

Girl on fire rescued from the flame.
At the Chelsea hotel alone, how far
She had plunged from her fifteen minutes of fame.

Andy created his masterpiece with care.
Then watched as the pieces fell one by one,
Dominoes falling in unison to the sound of despair.

The day she died was just another day.
He pretended and postured, but the truth was in the end
He claimed be barely knew his fragile protégé.

 

 Copyright ©2008 Veronica Romm