WHO KNEW?

Part 17: November 27, 2008 Thanksgiving:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Holidays are extremely bittersweet and I have a much better understanding of why that is now.  Life with all it’s changes and curve balls never ceases to amaze and test ones spirit.  There are so many things to be thankful for and I wish that I was better equipped to be absolutely aware of that, I am not however, at present anyway going to pretend that it’s just another day, or another Thanksgiving.

I can’t in all truthfulness get into the holiday “mode” and pretend all is well.  A crisis of faith perhaps, a harsh reality check, or pessimism has made me less than excited about it all.  Perhaps if I had children I would be able to “fake it” better but I do not and this allows me some room for Scrooge- like thinking.

F*#k it, I don’t feel like putting on a brave face.  I don’t want to smile and exchange pleasantries, while inside my heart aches from the breaks in it.  F*#k it, would be the only words I say today if I could, or maybe no words at all.  Total silence would be so sweet.

Veronica Romm

Vidoe has been removed.  Sorry folks.
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Part 9: July 6, 2008

What a difference a day makes.  If you read my previous posts, there was one particular one about my love of the underdog.  So when I started writing my sports blog I could not believe the upsets that were occurring.  It started with the great Celtics win that shut down the Lakers in a triumphant manner.  It just kept going with Novak Djokovic winning the Australian Tennis Open and with Ana Ivanovic becoming no.1 with her win at the French Tennis Open.  Then Wimbledon rolled around and the most stunning upsets occurred daily with week one seeing Sharapova, and Ivanovic upset by players seeded in the 100’s.  Today was the men’s Wimbledon final and for the first time, after one of the best tennis matches ever to have been played in Wimbledon history, Rafael Nadal defeated Roger Federer in an upset so exciting it will be a part of history.  I watched the entire match which with rain delays (2) lasted close to 7 hours and my heart raced the entire time.  I was awed by the level of play by these two champions and when  Rafael Nadal broke Fed’s serve and was serving for the championship I did not breath.  I could barely watch and I prayed.  Nadal finally achieved his dream of winning the Wimbledon title, against the toughest most beloved tennis champion in history.  It was fantastic.  He cried, Roger cried, I cried it was that emotional.  I am on a high now, believing anything is possible.  I love sports and I always cheer on the underdog.

Veronica

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Part 8  JULY 5 2008

Another installment, another month.  I can ambivalent, about everything it seems.  I am not numb, or mad, or thrilled.  Nor am I sad.  I am lonely.  This comes as a revelation to myself, b/c I am generally a loner and always have my nose in a book or something.  Well, today I can honestly say that I am lonely.  I could do a  number of things in terms of possibly socializing, but even if I go out I will still be lonely.  Sometimes I am loneliest when I am surrounded by many people.  Lonely isn’t about how many people I hang out with, or what I do for entertainment.  It is the reality of being human, and alone that I am speaking of.  Lonely, that’s how I feel today.

Veronica

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Part 7 June 2, 2008

I have neglected this journal since I became sick and was posting updates on the main page.  So here is a final wrap-up of my ordeal.

I had the surgery May 8, 2008 and stayed in the hospital for 4 days on a morphine drip.

I remained on pain killers for a total of 2 months.  If anyone is familiar with opiates, 2 months is quite enough time to become physically addicted.

I certainly needed the meds. as I had quite painful abdominal surgery.

I am now at the tail end of perhaps the worst part of recovery.  Full on, merciless withdrawal.  Anyone who has had to go off opiates whether medically prescribed or self induced knows that this is about as pleasant as  a frontal lobotomy.  The withdrawal symptoms include, aching body, hot/cold flashes, tremors, shakes, sweats, nausea, major irritability and overall feeling of sheer anger.  Lets say I wasn’t the most pleasant of beings in the last few days.  Thankfully I seem to be better today.

My pain in the surgery site in now minimal, but sometimes gets a touch uncomfortable.  I am seeing my doc for my final check up in a week or so, at which point he will clear me for all activities.

I have been unable to wear anything but comfy pants or dresses if i make my way out.  I am now embarking on another unpleasant task.  Finding a new job.  I am open to anything so if you read this and know of a job in the metro NYC area, please let me know.

Thanks, and goodbye for now,

Veronica

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I am truly blessed to have met so many wonderful people through this blog, stumbleupon and other social media sites. Today is my birthday and the amount of people who took the time to wish me a happy b-day makes me feel like I am in the right place doing what I am meant to do. You all, in different ways encourage, inspire and motivate me and for that I am eternally grateful. This blog and all that has come with it, is so unexpected, rewarding and magical really. I want to thank everyone who takes the time to visit, read and comment. Know too that I am in awe of the writer’s who I have had the pleasure to read and follow. There are a few I want to mention for various reasons, some who were the first to connect with me and others who have become friends and who’s work I read without fail, like the groupie I am. So in no particular order here they are:

Michelleoshen.com my guru

Year of the ChickRomi

Paul

Greg

Johnny

Kassandra

outdoors2

Tim

Billy Jones

stumbleblogger kermit

There are more I definitely forgot, but you know who you are.

Veronica

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I had to write today because obviously it’s a leap year and it should be a holiday. Please if someone can explain to me why this phenomena occurs (so I don’t have to look it up myself) that would be great. I wanted to briefly address the not so wonderful aspects of technology. Please understand that I love technology and am watching Juno as I write this. Yet there are small glitches, minor avoidable but potentially lethal errors that can occur. I am sure you have experienced at least once the cell phone-dialing-accidentally (and this only happens when are talking about that person, and they hear everything). If you have been privy to this “techkarma” then you know it is a real SOB. With IM moving into it’s evolved state Skype and Meebo, which combine all of your IM’s into one, are very popular. They offer web chat, conferences, comp to comp calling and god knows what else. Well, when you have a phone chat on Skype you do your thing and then obviously hang up. Sometimes one party forgets. Because microphones are used and they pick up much better sound than, lets say a cell phone, the audio quality is rather impressive. So when I realized that there was a conversation going on in my computer, it took me a while to locate the glitch. Now normally I would then simply hang up, but this time I heard my name and well, would you hang up? So I listened and of course heard myself being spoken of in less than ideal expletives. My “friend” was just BSing with his buddy and probably high as a kite, no matter I was outraged. Friend no more, Skype erased, social media banned, unsubscibed to all feeds, defriended from all mutual sites and for good measure deleted reviews. I know it sounds so bitchy and harsh, but it was my only recourse in this world of Web 2.0 social media everything. No fight ensued, no angry IM’s exchanged, just cut off. The irony is since this person never actually read my work, he won’t even see this and know why he has become persona non grata. What I am sure of, is that he won’t care anyway. So the lesson for today is, make sure you hang up prior to bad mouthing, don’t pretend to be someone you are not, and be aware that the relationships you have over the Internet are tenuous at best.

Veronica

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I am feeling nostalgic, rummaging through old photos and letting it all take me back to places in the past. Though, this is not a common practice for me, I indulge when the mood is right. Today is one of those days when I can’t quite get comfortable in my own skin. Tears are ready to flow, but I can’t make them come fast enough. When I really need a good cry I can watch House of Sand and Fog, the last twenty minutes are foolproof, they will make me bawl. Maybe I will just go on Stumbleupon and try to distract myself. Oh the melancholy…

Veronica

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Well, the ultimate underdog Giants just won the Superbowl against the cheating sore loser 18-1 season Patriots. I love a good ending, and that win I felt in my heart. Sports do that to me. I am strangely not competitive, rather I cheer for whoever wins. Tennis is one of my favorite sports to watch and with Roger Federer and Raphael Nadal and others, it is better than ever. I try to catch all the matches and as seen in the 2008 Australian open this is the year of the underdog. Both Federer and Nadal lost to a brilliant young Serbian named Joncovic, and I was glad, he deserved it, and Federer had to be dethroned by someone other than Nadal. Anyway even though my favorite players lost I loved the unpredictability. I think it’s a shame more women don’t watch sports. It is a very cathartic practice and it gets the heart racing, especially in the clutch moments of a tight battle.

Veronica

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My name is Veronica Romm Ed.M and I am a fledgling writer, blogging for the first time here at wordpress. I was born in St. Petersburg, Russia in 1973 and my family bravely immigrated to the states in 1979. We arrived in Brooklyn, Brighton Beach to be precise, with all the other Russian immigrants hungry for the American Dream. Unfortunately the Cold War was still in full swing and my arrival was met with some rather harsh tormenting and teasing. Good news, it made me a stronger kid and taught me very quickly the ways of the world. Perhaps because of this early experience I am always rooting for the underdog, and am sensitive to injustice in all areas.