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Entries categorized as ‘humor’

List of words I wish I never had to hear again.

July 4, 2008 · 13 Comments

1. Photobucket

 

 

 

2.   Fierce: savage; wild; indicating cruelty; ravenous; rapacious; as, ferocious look or features.

On so many levels this word grates on my nerves.  From Christian Siriano the odd little elf man who won Project Runway and took the word to  nerve rattling level.  To Tyra Banks who displays her lack of command of adjectives and of the English language all together by using the word in every sentence.

3.  Misspoke: –verb (used with object), verb (used without object), -spoke, -spok·en, -speak·ing.

1. to speak, utter, or pronounce incorrectly.
2. to speak inaccurately, inappropriately, or too hastily.

 Oh this one has been abused like no other word since Hillary Clinton decided to run for G-d, I mean President of the United States. The worst part is that when used it is usually a PC term for “having said something really really inappropriate.”

4.   Schadenfreude: definition; A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

All I can say about this word is that it has been used in every article I have read in The New Yorker, Vanity Fair and well, every other magazine I have picked up (and I have a minor magazine obsession).

FYI:  I went to dictionary.com and guess what?  It is today’s word of the day. How appropriate.

5.   Dawg:  I am not going to go to the trouble of giving a definition here.  Anyone who has seen even one     episode of American Idol has heard this word overused and abused by Randy Jackson, though he is among many offenders in the pseudo hip hop world. 

6.  Super-delegate:   A party leader or elected official chosen as an uncommitted delegate to a national political convention. (Origin 1984). 

 So apparently prior to 1984 these people were just plain old folks, and then perhaps due to some genetic X-men type metamorphosis they became super.  Though I am not sure if capes are required attire, but if I was a super delegate I would definitely wear one.  I mean there should be perks right? 

7.  Baby Daddy/Mamma: Are we so lazy that we cant say the entire phrase?  The definition as I understand it applies to an unmarried couple expecting a child.  Personally I think it is offensive and is a rude way to refer to a person. 

8.  _______ilicious: i.e. Fergalicious, Bootilicious and so on.  Please put this one away, for all that is good and holy, let it die soon.

9.  Cougar:     Significant age disparity in sexual relationships has been and remains a feature of couples in many cultures and societies. The most common pattern in heterosexual couples is an older man with a younger woman.

This one infuriates me .  It makes women seem predatory and desperate.  However the women being called this have yet to complain to my knowledge.  I know I would be less than thrilled to be labeled in such a way.  Unless of course I was on a reality show vying for some young hotties attention. (Yeah right).

10. Bromance:  A close and affectionate platonic friendship between two men.  I.e. Brad Pitt and George Clooney. 

I think that this is one word that should never be uttered out loud.

11.  Metrosexual:  I.e. Ryan Seacrest.  This one is just a personal pet peeve. 

New Entries: As of July 5 2008

12.  Man-date:  Similar to bromance but spending time together a lot.

13.  Bump:  This refers to pregnant womens expanding womb, therefore bump diminishes the importance.

14.  Werd/Word:  It’s got to go, if you are over 30, you cant respond with werd, werd?

15.  Brangelina, Johniston, Beniffer, or any other comboname.  This is a serious pet peeve.

So now I invite you to add to this list, for this is by no means exhaustive.  I am sure you can think of a few that are worthy of a place on this list.  Share them, exorcise them from your vocabulary or just commiserate.

Contributed by readers:

1. Pop.” it is used to describe everything from curtains to eye makeup. Thank you Meander for adding this highly overused term by both magazines and tv shows when doing the make-over.  As in “the fake lashes make the models eyes really Pop!  I must assume there is an exclamation point after thats said.

2. Pwn:  am tired of people using “pwn”. It was a slandering of the word “own” in gaming by someone with a lazy pinky-finger. But really it just makes me want to punch my computer.

3. Peace out:

A co-worker constantly hits me with “peace out” as he leaves. I know most would quickly make the assumption of laid back hippie hood but no. This white boy is the product of an elite, upper class family and is firmly entrenched in the corporate world.

Him: “Peace Out, Megellen!”

Me: Bonne Soir, middle aged faux hippie.

Him: Easy on the karma there, M.

Me: Go hug an organic veggie while sucking down your Evian, rich boy.

 ps. I have been known to sign off IM with this.  Will have to rethink that. Veronica

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Categories: blog · humor · personal · thoughts · web blog · writing
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Quote Me Please.

June 13, 2008 · 2 Comments

 

 

 I am a lover of quotes.  I collect them and dole them out here depending on my mood.  So for today here are the quotes that make me feel like one human living my little life, just as everyone else.  Veronica

“I think; therefore I am.”
  • Rene Descartes
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
  • Woody Allen
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying.
  • Woody Allen
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
  • George Burns
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything - even poverty - you can survive it.
  • Bill Cosby
 
Quote source
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Categories: authors · blog · humor · life · people · quotes · writing
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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (on the Web 2.0)

March 4, 2008 · 19 Comments

 

           

 We have all been through a breakup and felt the inevitable pangs of pain, surges of tears and very real mourning period following the end of a relationship.  In today’s world, where social networking and social media can be a significant part of many of our lives, old fashioned heartbreak can be compounded by the “internet breakup”.           

Breaking up with someone with whom you shared your likes and dislikes, sent xoxo’s and matched compatibility quiz results with on sites such as Facebook, MySpace, and of course the uber-popular Youtube, along with the many other social networks brings forth an entirely new set of issues.  For instance, how long does one wait to remove from one’s page the comments, photos, and “gifts” (sent while in the often delusional. blissful cloud of love) that stare back and now haunt you? This person was your No. 1 spot in your top friends for heavens sake! What is one to do?           

Once these are removed and the STATUS in the profile changes from any of the oh-so-charming descriptions ranging from “it’s complicated” or “in committed relationship” to “single”, what is the proper etiquette for well wishers and others who will invariably ask how you are coping, what happened and other questions that may be sincere but can burn through the screen like molten lava?  What to do with the bevy of comments left to make sure you “keep your chin up”, that they are “thinking of you” and whatever other trite phrase  delivered in glitter loitering in cyberspace like floating bullets in a Matrix-like freeze frame. Makes one want to pownce directly into a gaping void.           

As in the traditional break up there is always the division of “friends”.  The internet makes that division a blatantly public and often childish process.  Do they “Defriend you?”  Do you “Defriend” them?  Who does what and how long until someone takes action?  There is always that one first friend that is brave enough to make the friend switch. This person simply enjoys the new friendship more than the original friendship, yet inevitably puts themselves into the center of what may turn into a battle of loyalties, criticism and of course the unbearable insult of being Defriended (they also risk negative posts and g-d knows what from the slighted party).  These friends that once felt Linkdin may experience the pain of being blocked, ignored or even… dare I say… spammed.           

So as you sit there and ponder the thought “OMG” this could happen to me and your heart goes all a twitter, feeling like drinking a tumblr of whatever is readily available in the house, I ask you, what are the new rules governing this era of internet everything?  How should this go down and how can you emerge relatively unscathed from all the added remnants now gathering in the cloud? How does one go from being the couple of Web 2.0 to …Web no.0?”           

I hereby offer a few initial suggestions and I am sure I will come up with many more, but I need to know what you, the techlover, thinks.  Perhaps together we can come up with some basic framework for keeping our net presence intact as we navigate the treacherous online break up?

Rules of Disengagement for Internet-related break ups

1. Do not post a breakup blog explaining the gory details.  Such things should be private, even in today’s voyeuristic world.

2. Removal of ex should be done gradually. i.e. they did not disappear from the face of the earth, just perhaps from your life or more visibly, your vlog.  This should be adhered to in order to avoid the inevitable onslaught of queries about your separation. Do it for the other person, if not for yourself.

3. Do not post new pictures of yourself with an ex, a new whatever or overtly salacious images in an attempt to inflict additional pain on your ex (no mater how much you think you hate them).4. It is not recommended posting hourly, self-involved mood updates that will not only indulge the voyeurism of others, but cheapen the anguish you both feel. In a nutshell, don’t twit a twitter.

5. While sending angry emails/IM’s in the wake of your break up, do not digg yourself a hole you cannot climb out of.  This means that words on a screen are forever. Permanent. Nothing is ever truly erased from the web.  So pick your jabs wisely and don’t stumbleupon your own immature cruelty.

6. Do not badmouth your ex. It is beneath you.

7. Avoid “tracking” your ex’s web activity. This can only lead to obsession and worse, pathos.

 8. Do not refer in any way to your suddenly, even remarkable renewed sex drive, virility, or promiscuity. This is so far beneath you as to be found somewhere deep in the Earth’s mantle.

9. Take a break from social media. We all could use one.

10. Eat, drink, be merry and do not let the bad experience disillusion you as to the viability of another Web-based relationship - we all benefit from social media, both platonic-socially, and if we are careful and a bit lucky, we may fall for another techhead again, with markedly better results.

Written in collaboration with Michelle Oshen

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Categories: blog · humor · love · relationships
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Hormonal Rant

February 25, 2008 · 4 Comments

I hate my thighs!

There is nothing on TV!

It’s too cold outside!

I need new clothes!

Traffic sucks!

I’m hungry!

I miss my friends!

I need a vacation!

My stomach is so flabby!

I can’t wear a bikini now!

Men are arrogant babies!

Dumb people should wear a sign!

There is nothing to eat!

Why is this taking so long!

Don’t you know who I am!

I want to scream!

I am screaming!

People are watching!

They must think I’m fat!

I need to take a deep breath!

Ok, maybe a few deep breaths!

I am so embarrassed!

I must get over myself!

I can’t stand being late!

Ok, am I late?

Thank god, right on time!

What was I saying?

Copyright ©2007 VeronicaRomm

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Categories: humor · poetry · thoughts · writing
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not proper english

December 14, 2007 · 3 Comments

They lay together buy the cool placid pool

 

Water splashing there toned bodys

 

As the fountains spew fourth mysts of slippery drops

 

They gaze in eachothers I’s and no it will bee all write

 

Because there soles are won fourever

 

Copyright ©2007 Veronica Romm

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Categories: humor · poetry
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