This guide is for everyone, whether in a new relationship or an established one.

1.  Just met, you like her but it’s very new.

The gift:

Get something you know she likes from a shop you know she goes to.  You are not expected at this phase to buy “the perfect” gift, just one that shows you have at least been paying a little attention.   Also if you get it wrong she can return it and get something she likes better at her favorite shop.  You must get a card, something cute and funny will do.

The message:

A simple “Wishing you a happy fill in the holiday.”

Signing the card:

I am (so) _______ (glad) we met, Bob

Looking forward to getting to know you better, Bob

Hugs and kisses, Bob

2.  New relationship 3-6 months, you are exclusive (you really like her)

The gift:

This gift should show some thought, because it is probably the first fill in the holiday you are spending together.  Again, pay attention to things she sees or mentions while you are shopping or ask one of her friends if you have access to them.  It may be an accessory item, a handbag, scarf or silver jewelry with a stone or charm she likes or has special meaning to her. She will really think it sweet if you remember something she mentioned or saw while you were together. If all else fails these are the gifts that most women would like this season:

- Princess perfume by Vera Wang, classy and you will like it too. – Pretty necklaces and bracelets  with semi-precious stones are totally in style and ones with a message that is personal to you/her is thoughtful. Sold in many mall shops.

- A spa/massage treatment is always a great gift, thoughtful and shows you care how hard she works. Popular spa’s are Bliss Spa, Sephora, Ulta offer spa treatments.    Look up local spa’s they usually run specials for Valentine’s Day.

- Victoria’s Secret is a favorite but you can get more creative than that, right guys?

The message:
- Write at least a paragraph about how you feel about her, how she makes you feel or whatever you are feeling at the time.
- This is the time to be vulnerable but if you are not ready to say “Love” you don’t have to.

Signing the card:

You mean so much to me, Bob

So glad to be spending this fill in the holiday with you, Bob

Looking forward to more happy times with you, Bob

You are in my heart today and everyday, Bob

3.  6-12 months, you are either in love, falling in love or already declared your love.

The gift:
- A weekend getaway is ideal. Bed and Breakfasts, Hotels and Ski Resorts have last-minute deals, but there is nothing like pre-planning.
- Pamper her with a romantic dinner and run a tub or hot tub if you can arrange it. Bring flowers and candy too, it decorates the room and makes it special. - Maybe a CD of music for a romantic evening. This is the perfect time to seal the deal guys; it’s fill in the holiday and BECAUSE it is corny and cheesy tell her you love her. Secretly we love cheesy and sappy during the holidays if we are in love.

- Jewelry is a safe bet here.

- Also you can bridge the “I am falling in love with you,” if you have not reached it just yet, (or if you are a wimp because nobody “thinks” they feel love for someone, this is one you KNOW.) but whatever, go at your own pace.

The message:
Spill it. You love this woman and you want to keep her indefinitely. A full paragraph with your heart racing with nervousness is what I am talking about. Trust me, the pay off will be worth it. If this is where you are with a woman showing it during the holidays is the only way to go. Even if she says she doesn’t care, DO NOT LISTEN. Just say it, most of us are not Shakespeare, women know, they don’t care how you say it, just that you do, and in this case write it too.

Signing the card:

All my love, Bob

Love you, Bob (playful)

I love you with all my heart, Bob (serious)

Oh I forgot, I wanted to tell you that I love you, Bob

I love you and want you to be my wife, Bob (Just in case)

Whatever you do this fill in the holiday with your new babe or your fiancé, have fun, laugh as much as you can, and let love in.  Try not to let the stress that always seems to accompany the big days get in the way of your enjoyment.  Remember, many fights around this time are due to circumstances beyond your control: i.e. planning, travelling, and just the anticipation that the holidays will work out perfect.  This is not the case and is quite rare, so be prepared for some hairy moments and always try to keep a sense of humor.

Please feel free to ask questions if there is something I missed and/or you have a unique situation that does not fit into these three headings.  I will be glad to help you get this fill in the holiday right.

Check out another take on  gift giving during our troubled economic times here.  A lot of great info to be found there.

Copyright ©2008 Veronica Romm

I got your back.

You’ve got mine.

Don’t listen to the haters,

We’re doing just fine.

Voices, looks

And exaggeration.

What they say means nothing,

Just causes needless aggravation.

Believe in you and me.

Now is what we have,

No one can tell us

What it ought to be.

Our only concern

Should be loving each other.

Enjoying the gift

Of the love of another.

Copyright ©2008 Veronica Romm

From the archives:
This is the most popular of all my poems for the past year so here once again About a Friend.

Yes this is personal and yes it is true.
It is my experience that I am sharing with you.

We were so close like sisters people said.
Closer than that we were, it was over your head.

A bond that sparked instantaneously much like new romance.
Of course those that insinuated such did not follow the dance.

Give give, take take, it all seemed so equal at first.
No shadow of doubt, we would never be cursed.

Hours and days were spent sharing the past.
The laughter and tears were flowing and vast.

Each told of old sorrows and pain we had endured.
Consoling each other, we were each others cure.

We had found one another, knew it was different this time.
The ying to her yang, the partner to our crime.

We turned heads and made people wonder.
Quite a few tried to quiet the thunder.

This gave us our strength, like forces of nature together.
She and I against the world, no storm we couldn’t weather.

Life would charge in and test our power.
Tempted and taunted to see who would cower.

We prevailed time after time, year after year.
We drew lines for others that were perfectly clear.

Then one day it happened, the first of the clues.
A weakness exposed and a hint of a ruse.

“Not us I thought, this was not our path.”
Rips in the fabric, hidden agendas, you do the math.

And with just as much power as we united.
Truth had snuck in though reluctant and uninvited.

The face I began to recognize was that of a stranger.
I saw it clearly and knew of the danger.

I had heard the voice before and I remember I had shuddered.
Those combative words thrust at me she had finally uttered.

The loss was tremendous the grief devastating.
I now understood the line between loving and hating.

I missed her so, wishing for a branch or simply a leaf.
Yet not until I let her go was their any relief.

Why today of all days to write this for all to see?
Perhaps, maybe it means I can at last be free.

Copyright ©2007 Veronica Romm

It has been a very, very long time since I posted on this blog.  I have so neglected it and with that have lost touch with so many of my friends and amazing readers.  I hope to remedy that ASAP.  Life happens right?  Hope I can reconnect.  Please leave a message/comment and I will respond.   veronicaromm

anger and fear, rage, hatred, revolting.
in one second sparks ignite nothing in its trajectory  safe.
words sputter through clenched teeth, raised voices, prickly tongues.
jabs, slices, punches  inflicting maximum pain.
no rational thought, respect, or love.
deeply planted wounds seep with fresh blood.
a storm so out of control demanding attention.
no cure once blinded by the rush.
it spins through each cell and fiber.
hoping, trying to regain control as the venom attacks the soul.
breathing steadies, pulse no longer blaring.
around, tossed in the rubble is the evidence the damage done.
despicable words spoken replay on the tape.
left standing amidst intolerable shame.

Copyright ©2009 Veronica Romm

David After Dentist

This caught me off guard and made me laugh. Kids are so funny. Thank goodness it’s not forever David.

One year ago today Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose leaving behind a daughter and throngs of adoring fans. It is hard to believe it has already been a year, probably due to the amount of media coverage his last film role has received. Today the nominations for the Academy Awards were announced and not surprisingly Ledger was nominated for best supporting actor as The Joker in last years smash hit The Dark Night. Last year I wrote a post in memory of Heath and Brad Renfro who had passed right around the same time.  I am re-posting (Jan. 31, 2008 was the original post date)  it because I think it did a good job describing my feelings about the tragic loss of this fine young actor.  May Heath rest in peace knowing he was loved and appreciated for his work as an actor as well as his character as a man.

For me when someone talented, interesting and special dies regardless of whether I knew them on a personal level, or admired their talent from a far, I grieve. The last two weeks have seen the death of two talented young men first Brad Renfro and then Heath Ledger. The minute I learned of each I had the same initial reaction.

1. Utter shock (stomach drops)

2. Disbelief (Heart races)

3. Curiosity (Reading as much as I could on initial reports)

I must digress for one moment. I interviewed both Actors between 1997-1999 when I worked press junkets for major motion pictures. They were both very young, handsome and talented, Renfro who was amazing in The Client and I had interviewed the cast of Apt Pupil.

I became a fan of Ledger’s initially for the obvious reasons, he was great to look at and charming. Through the years his films became better and he would shine in each role. Brokeback Mountain showed a mature actor taking risks and worthy of all the accolades, including an Oscar nomination. I have seen almost all of his films since. Candy was another heart breaking performance, as Ledger and Cornish brought to life the book of the same name.

The media coverage and all of the speculation took the focus off of the actual loss of Heath. Once again I experienced,

1. Anger (too young, too good)

2. Curiosity( continued almost non stop coverage by media)

3. Disbelief (Each time I saw his face, stomach drops)

Now that is has been several days and his memorial in Hollywood took place, his body is in his country and his family must bury their extraordinary son I feel,

1. Profound sadness.

2. Grief

3. And the beginnings of acceptance.

So this morning when I got on the computer I let myself truly experience the emotions by watching tributes to both Heath and Brad. Yes, I cried and smiled as I saw the familiar faces on the screen in roles I loved. I listened to their words in interviews and the songs played on tribute pieces compiled by so many on YouTube. I let myself feel the grief of knowing that these images, still or moving were the only ones left, their legacy. Of course Dark Knight has yet to be released, and this will cause a new wave of sadness and maybe anger.

The stages of grief are fluid. They are repeated and recycled until time allows otherwise. I have friends who think I am foolish, ridiculous and childish for caring at all. They certainly do not take me seriously and I usually try to avoid discussing these people with them because they say things purely out of ignorance and it simply angers me and makes me wonder how people could be so heartless.

I know that I am perhaps extra sensitive and that I cannot judge others for what they feel. However through the use of this tool, my trusty blog I can express my feelings freely and not care if I am judged to be overly sentimental or foolish. I love film and I love actors. So here is my tribute to a young man who shined on screen and whose light dimmed tragically early.

HEATH LEDGER TRIBUTE – IN MEMORY

Today November 4, 2008 we are all a part of the most important event in political history.  Barack Obama, the Democratic candidate might possibly become the first black president of the United States.  Watching the two years of endless campaigning has been daunting, annoying, and often shocking.   Republican nominee John McCain, a Vietnam veteran and POW opposes the historical Democratic nominee.

Barack Obama

John McCain

While I am writing I am seeing voter turn out in the tri-state area at an all time high rate with lines outside the door in some locations.

The candidates

Whatever your thoughts are on the campaign, the candidates or issues one thing can not be denied and that is the importance of this unprecedented election.

What has been a campaign fraught with many unpleasant, ignorant and even funny moments, now comes down to voting.  Nothing would surprise me today or tonight.  I just hope that tomorrow morning there is a new president elect.  May the best man win.

My Perfect Winter Day

Ski slopes braved with red faces and frozen toes.

Colorful pajamas worn moments after being unwrapped.

Blankets strewn around the fireplace.

“A Christmas Story” reliably on.

Lazy long supper to warm the bones and replenish strength

For the next day’s adventures.

Snowboards, Skis, Skates and Snowmobiles just waiting

To glide through the fresh snow giving the rider a thrill

The year end holidays are supposed to be a  time of joy and giving. No matter what happens through the year, no matter who you are, Christmas/New Year’s/Hanukkah etc.. always come around and we pause to acknowledge them.  John Lennon’s “So This Is Christmas” is not the typical holiday song. Rather it is an observation of what millions of children around the world deal with to this day. Not much has changed since Lennon recorded this song. Yes, perhaps the children are in other third world countries today, but they are still hungry and lacking the basic necessities of life. I think John Lennon would have been dismayed to know that fact.  Yet there are those who continue to work for bettering the lives of these children and to them I say thank you.  Let us hope that the New Year will truly be one where change will be possible and children will have a chance to live better than they do now.  For those suffering this holiday season, you are in my thoughts.  For those who have something to share, there are many many ways of helping some of these children make it to another New Year, give to The Red Cross, The Children’s Charities of America, and/or any charity of your choosing.

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) – John Lennon

 So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The road is so long

And so Happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so Happy Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

War is over!
If you want it
War is over!
War is over, Now!

In honor of Hanukkah here is Adam Sandler’s third version of the Hanukkah song. I remember the first time I heard the original song, and laughing so much. Also Hanukkah is one of the only words that rhymes with Veronica, which made me feel quite special.  It has become somewhat of a theme song for the holiday and I love that Adam Sandler had the talent to make it so.  Enjoy the latest version, it does not disappoint.

Adam Sandler – Chanukah Song Part 3 (HQ)

Social networking and it’s pros and cons have been debated since the popularity of such sites as Myspace, Facebook and Twitter have increased and become part of the new Internet age. The Megan Meier’s story is particularly disturbing and has all the elements that are facilitating an adolescent epidemic of risk taking and poor judgment. To quickly sum up the Megan Meier’s story is difficult for there are many layers. It involves female friendships, parenting skills, MySpace, boys and very irresponsible adults.

Megan Meier

Megan apparently had a falling out with her close friend and neighbor and this neighbors mom Lori Drew was concerned that Megan was going to say indecent things about her daughter. She quickly created a MySpace profile of a young handsome boy she named Josh Evans from a neighboring town, and started communicating with Megan in a flirtatious way. Megan had been dealing with self esteem issues along with every other adolescent, and found the attention of the young man exciting. He was cute and sweet and could really understand her. He told her she was pretty and wanted to be her boyfriend. She had no reason to think anything else was happening. Three weeks into the Internet relationship, he turned on Megan and said she was not the kind of person he wanted to associate with due to things he heard from kids at her school. She responded with shock, tears and hanging herself with a belt as her parents got ready for dinner downstairs.

It was quickly disclosed that the boy with whom Megan had bonded was really a collaborative effort of a family, initiated by the matriarch Mrs. Drew, and maintained by all. They explained that they started the profile on MySpace to protect their daughter from slanderous talk (never did Megan say a bad thing about her neighbor or anyone else). Since the rest of the neighborhood found out about the families twisted game, the Drew’s has complained of harassment on several occasions. To date there will be no charges found against the MySpace family hoax or any of the participants. A tragedy like this is unthinkable yet it is subtle, societal and scary.

Lori Drew

Update:
Since the story broke I have been paying close attention to the outcome. The strong outcry from all over propelled the law to be reassessed. While the heinous acts of this adult became known across the nation, and indeed even the world, justice seemed to escape Megan Meier.

In May 2008, a federal grand jury in California defied Missouri officials’ refusal to prosecute the case. It indicted Lori Drew on charges of fraudulently using an account on MySpace. Finally, someone had the (courage) to FIND a law to fit the case. Someone finally figured out how to tell Lori Drew that what she did was wrong. Justice was coming, from California of all places!

Well now the verdict is in.

While jurors could not agree on the four charges brought by the federal indictment, they did find Lori Drew guilty of three misdemeanor offenses. This is not the victory we had hoped for. However, no longer will this adult walk away — completely unpunished for her actions. Kansascity.com

This story has been one that managed to be so disgraceful and kept my attention hoping that some sort of justice would be served.  Originally I feared that there would not be any charges brought against Lori Drew due to the tenuous nature of the crime.  I am pleased to know that the case appalled many and that there were lawyers willing to find any loophole to indict Drew.  Her behavior displays the absolute worst in people, callus and calculated Drew spun a web that led to a death.  Her irresponsible and reckless disregard for the feelings of a teenager, her malice and anti-social penchant for bullying is the worst example she could possibly set for  her own children.  God help her family and hopefully this will be a lesson for others who think the Internet is a means for abuse and bullying.

Please read The New Yorker piece on this story here.

Led Zeppelin Thank you

Some lovely quotes.

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls. ~ Aesop

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present. ~ Albert Camus

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~ Mark Twain

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. ~ Oscar Wilde

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, be safe and enjoy all the yummy food.  veronicaromm

If you have been at all keeping up with my posts, you probably know that I am very inquisitive. Here are some interesting and witty quotes about questions, as they are so a part of me.

The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best – and therefore never scrutinize or question.
~ Stephen Jay Gould

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. ~ Thomas Jefferson

A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions–as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. ~ James Thurber

Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers. ~Voltaire

source

A prudent question is one-half of wisdom. ~Francis Bacon

It is error only, and not truth, that shrinks from inquiry. ~Thomas Paine

To be or not to be that is the question. Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the stings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take up arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing them, end them. Hamlet~ William Shakespeare

source

In examinations, the foolish ask questions the wise cannot answer. ~Oscar Wilde

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

~Woody Allen

Source

T.I. – Whatever You Like

The video above is the latest from rapper T.I. This young man currently has a hit disc Paper Trail and has been on several talk shows such as Chelsea Lately (hilarious) and Tyra Banks (horrendous) among others. The song he sings is uplifting and deals with love, has a cute, catchy tune and shows off his other trademark, his very appealing look. He is a triple threat in that he can sing, write music, act and look great doing it all. Women LOVE him and the second of his two No. 1 singles features Rihanna another stunner.

On the flip side to Tip (his real name) is a former pimp, called the “rubber-band man” for wearing rubber bands around his wrists in order to keep all the money he made selling women organized. He was serving his house arrest sentence when he wrote the disc that is now a massive selling hit. Shortly he will be serving out a sentence of one year and one day in prison for possession of numerous machine guns. T.I. is twenty-eight years old and has six children, three with the woman he is currently with.

Watching the video and seeing this charming and attractive guy sing a Cinderella song with a sweet message and great tune, makes me feel several emotions simultaneously. First there is the attraction which can be blinding. Then there is this feeling after learning a few basic facts that this young man is making good, paying his debt to society and I feel proud of how far he has come. At the same time, seeing his rubber bands still prominently worn on the wrists makes me wonder whether he is glorifying his past? The newer charges and impending jail term seem so reckless for someone who is on top of his game. Why the machine guns now? The lawyers that his success can pay for are the best and yet he still got time, begging the question, what else was he charged with and what kind of deal was made?

T.I. has clearly seen a lot in his twenty eight years. Living as both a criminal and a star with an extensive entourage one might think he will stay on the straight and narrow. However, success can make the ego so delusional as to empower the individual to develop a sense of invincibility.  What’s in store for T.I. is impossible to predict, yet I am curious enough to pay attention to this talented hustler as he navigates stardom.

King